I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
