Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
