Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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