He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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