he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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