get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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