What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
