Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
