I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
