My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
