The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
you made out with another girl for some wings
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
