the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
