She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
