We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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