after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
