if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
