goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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