he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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