I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
