Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
