does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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