SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
