I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
