i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
