I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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