The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
