If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
