You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
