I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
