I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
