I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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