office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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