They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
