Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
