I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
