where am i from again
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
