Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
