8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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