My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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