Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my sisters under your porch take her home
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
