I could make wine with my vomit
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
And then he peed in my hair
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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