Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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