i think my tv is drunk
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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