he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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