i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
