It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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