He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My ass is underappreciated
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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