The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
