I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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