$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
